what does one say at a time like this?

these past few weeks, and especially days,

have been hard.

emotional.

hard.

uplifiting.

hard.

full of life.

hard.

good-bye's, not whispered, but courageously spoken. 

hard.

wonderful.


as our bill prepares to begin his journey to his heavenly home, he and my mom's home here on earth has been filled with so so many visitors, so much prayer, so much singing, and with overflowing love.

two times now, my charlie has sat and blessed us all, with hours of his music.  

playing hymn after hymn, the great Cathedral songs, Andrae Crouch and more. 

we have sat around bill's feet and sang, cried, talked, and prayed. 


cancer is HORRIBLE.

the pain and suffering - despicable. 

to watch someone you love (honestly, how many of you out there KNOW this firsthand?), suffer at the hands of this body eating, bone breaking disease, is horrific.

but when there is hope.... 

no, not hope.  

...when you KNOW where and what you are going to, when your last breath leaves, i believe much more than hope enters in.  

an understanding....a peace...YES, even in the suffering.  


so the music, and words and visits have been amazing. 

and bear with me as i and my family try to heal as we journey, and i share much of what we have experienced. 


but today....i learned, as much as it is important to serve and give to bill....

my mom, has suffered as well.  

she would never tell you that.

she would tell you that it is an honor to get up at he break of dawn...to bathe bill...to shave and dress him, and to put cologne on him.  

to make him feel as if he is living, not dying, regardless of what his body feels like.  

to wake at all hours, to care for him to serve and keep him comfortable...yes, my mom needed "fed" in a huge way. 

today she was. 

cindy and joe...our blessed cindy and joe came to visit...from arkansas. 

cindy and my mom have been friends since 7th grade acapella chorus.  

i've often shared, that our families created the very first "life group."

we spent every important date together, and too many to count in between. 

cindy, joe, and their 3 children, dawn, tim, and joanna, were more like siblings to us than friends. 

to cut things short, life happened. 


in '83, my family moved from pitt, to the dubois area. 

while we still visited almost as much, in '88 joe, cindy and their family moved to arkansas. 

no more visits. 

the adults still talked, but us kids, we, were growing up. 

as God orchestrated, when my dad passed in 2006, he was living in the same city as cindy and joe in arkansas, and they along with their oldest daughter and my precious friend, dawn, were there for me to walk into the funeral home for the first time with my dad there. 

joe sat behind me at my dad's service in arkansas, as i spoke...

 and as we prepare to say goodbye to our bill, cindy and joe made it back to dubois.  the first time since 1988...for my mom. 

what does one say about a friendship like this?

what does one say, to look at the people that felt like another set of parents for more than half a life? 

no words...only tears...hugs, laughs, and prayers...

as cindy loved on my mom, joe grabbed my hand. 

the hand of a man that i TREASURED...who watched me grow, prayed with and for me, played, sang and danced with me, and now, holding my hand, loved me. 

and cindy, who saying goodbye, held my face as my mom does and whispered her prayers and love. 

what does one say?

when the people who love your mom so, thank and bless the man who has loved her?

i have no words...except..

"i'm blessed.  oh surely...i, she, he and we are blessed, over and over."

there is so much living to be found...

in the road to eternity that we call dying. 

thanks be to God and for the living.